Review By Jesus Figueroa

The slow moving, largely sarcastic film “Somebody Up There Likes Me” has dark comedy set in the world of a highly unmotivated character. A strange intro sets the tempo of this bizarre story that has twist and turns not logically set forth. Each twist that is encountered catches audiences by surprise. The comedy comes in hit and miss spots. Some of the story stabilizes and takes on a more developed story and then stops abruptly to start on a new tangent.

The story revolves around the Max, played by Keith Poulson, and his failed attempts at happiness. Starting off is Max’s ending to his first failed marriage as he walks in on his wife in the midst of intercourse with another man. The highly unmotivated Max seems to hardly be affected as nothing really changes in his demeanor and there is no real emotional response. Through out the entire film there is no build up for any sympathy or even attempts to make Max a relatable character. When Max’s wife betrays him for his son Lyle, who Max neglects completely, it’s not really comical and kind of goes off on a completely different storyline. Midway through the story it completely changes focusing more on Max’s career choices and not his love life. Along with Sal, played by Nick Offerman, who is Max’s only friend, Max opens up an ice cream store that despite horrible service ends up being a success. With the success comes ailing health for Max. The ailing health brings him to want to know his son better.

The ending and scenes leading to the end are more entertaining than the entire first half if the film. The ending is unexpected and satisfying after everything the storyline goes through.

I give this film 2 out of 5 popcorns. The acting isn’t bad but isn’t good but nothing about it stands out. The ending comes with a satisfying finale but the story seems to be stretched beyond repair. The film seems to drag while trying to make some philosophical comment that it never gets across. This is a film that I am glad I saw but could have lived well never having seen it.

“Somebody Up There Likes Me” out on DVD now.

Academy Award winner George Clooney stars in the title role of this suspense thriller. As an assassin, Jack (played by Mr. Clooney) is constantly on the move and always alone. After a job in Sweden ends more harshly than expected for this American abroad, Jack retreats to the Italian countryside. He relishes being away from death for a spell as he holes up in a small medieval town. While there, Jack takes an assignment to construct a weapon for a mysterious contact, Mathilde (Thekla Reuten). Savoring the peaceful quietude he finds in the mountains of Abruzzo, Jack accepts the friendship of local priest Father Benedetto (Paolo Bonacelli) and pursues a torrid liaison with a beautiful woman, Clara (Violante Placido). Jack and Clara’s time together evolves into a romance, one seemingly free of danger. But by stepping out of the shadows, Jack may be tempting fate.

WATCH TRAILER

Ahhh yeahhhh…I was disappointed with this one. For me…the trailer was better than the actual movie. I’m a fan of George Clooney and he rawked it…but the movie itself. It just never took off for me and the ending. BLAH. I did like the prostitute though..she was hot. (lol)

I give THE AMERICAN…2 out of 5 popcorns!

This bone-rattling showdown staged as a pay-per-view event brings together some of filmdom’s most hideous creatures in a fight to the last freak. Among the horrifying combatants in the bloody competition are Cyclops, Frankenstein and Swamp Gut.

WATCH TRAILER

I checked out MONSTER BRAWL the other night. It was actually one of our #MovieFriday Netflix picks. I liked this one. Jennyfly…not so much a fan. (lol) Yes. It’s a cheesy movie. If you’re a UFC or WWE fan – might be a fun watch for you. It stars a cool cast. Hot ring girl’s. Monster’s were cool. But be prepared…B-Movie. (lol)

I give MONSTER BRAWL…a FUN 3 out of 5 popcorns!

]]> http://iwatchmike.com/my-dvd-review-monster-brawl/feed/ 0 http://iwatchmike.com/thisfunktional-movie-review-citadel/ http://iwatchmike.com/thisfunktional-movie-review-citadel/#comments Wed, 17 Apr 2013 08:43:40 +0000 Mike the Movie Guy http://iwatchmike.com/?p=15917 Read More]]>

Review By Jesus Figueroa

A film that plays on the bizarre, “Citadel,” stumbles through a play on fears and strange concepts to develop a terrifying storyline. Although the story seems to be quite thought out the pacing of the film seems to drag as the majority of the essential information gets explained with much detail.

Tommy, played by Aneurin Barnard, witnesses an attack on his pregnant wife Joanne, played by Amy Shiels. The attack forces doctors to extract the baby as Joanne fights for her life. The experience leaves Tommy traumatized and fearful of the world. His wife becomes comatose leaving him as the only parent for his child. Being fearful of everything and paranoid of the outside world makes him a less than fit father for his child.

The fearful nature of Tommy leaves him to be an unsympathetic character who audiences will not care about. A priest, played by James Cosmo, predicts the incoming doom. The story gets confusing even while the priest somewhat bar rotates the story as it happens. The villains of the story seem to be blind and only see that which fear them. The group of villains inhabit an apartment building.

These creatures torment Tommy without really ever having a reason to. This plot leaves a big question for audiences to get lost in. Exactly why do these creatures torment Tommy? More importantly why should audiences even care?These questions are never answered entirely and the film ends with no closure.

I give this film 2 out of 5 popcorns. The beginning and middle drag out and the ending just gets the story back to being a decent film. The CGI is decent for a low budget film. There’s not much to the story making the plot light for the length of the film leaving for a less than enjoyable film.

“Citadel” out now on DVD.

I watched DEATH RACE 3 INFERNO the other night. Definitely better than the second BUT not good as the first. (lol) As you can see – I got my hands on the Blu-ray, DVD, Digital Copy, UltraViolet copy. It’s got ‘not so’ bad Bonus and Blu-ray features – a particular one I thought that was cool – was on the Blu-ray Features. It was called ‘Art Imitating Life: Goldberg which takes a look at Danny Trejo’s real ‘prison’ life and how he got into films.

Lets talk about the movie – DEATH RACE 3 INFERNO brings back the crew. Carl Lucas aka Frankenstein is still driving his car. He’s pretty much one victory from being released from prison – but what happens? Someone comes in and buys the show/network and decides…HE’S NOT GOING ANYWHERE. This new owner decides to bring Death Race to South Africa’s infernal Kalahari Desert. So not only does Lucas have to keep him and his crew alive…he has to WIN!

It’s not a bad movie people. I’m a fan of the franchise – so matter how bad or good these movie’s get…I’ll always watch them. (lol) The cast is pretty cool. Tanit Phoenix is still HOTTER than ever. (Nice little shower scene for all the fans.) Oh – and there’s this cool girl on girl MMA ‘fight to the death’ scene. NICEEEE. (lol)

The only thing I didn’t like about DEATH RACE 3 INFERNO…was the ending. A little cheesy…but hey.

I give DEATH RACE 3 INFERNO… 2 ½ of of 5 popcorn. If you’re a fan like me – it’s worth a watch.

Review By Jesus Figueroa

Chris Colfer confronts mediocrity in “Struck by Lightning” showing determination and a never give in attitude to achieve his goals. The storyline develops well with a true feel of insecurity and yearning for a better life. The story is told in true journalistic fashion, with the most important fact coming at the beginning. Great use of the inverted pyramid style of writing.

Knowing that, as the title says, Carson Phillips, played by Chris Colfer, is struck by lightning and dies before achieving his major goals in life. This captures the attention of the audience not only for its shocking reveal but because of the death of the main character at such a young age. The story of the outcast Carson is well told through showing his intelligence and behavior as a gap distancing him from his peers. Carson’s goals are monumental. If you are gonna dream, dream big, and he sure does. As president of the writing club and editor-in-chief of the newspaper Carson is well aware of what he has to do in school to achieve his goals. Carson’s mother Sheryl Phillips, played by Allyson Janney, and father Neal Phillips, played by Dermont Mulroney, split up leaving Carson to be raised by a single mother. Sheryl is mentally unstable going to a psychiatrist and  taking many medications, which she mixes with alcohol, leaving Carson to care more for his mother than she cares for him. Carson, who dreams of leaving his small town behind, conceives a plan to assure his admission to Northwestern college. Through it all he does some underhanded things to be able to accomplish his goal.

Colfer does an incredible job of portraying Carson as a relatable human character who’s fierce yet vulnerable. His surrounding supporting cast all fit their cliché roles well – the pothead, the popular guys who are closet homosexuals, the head cheerleader, the school president, and the “goth” girl. The story displays both the complacency some of high school and the struggles of others. No matter what there is a character to identify with. The ending, the realization, and the growth of Carson become a bittersweet spectacular moment.

I give this coming of age film a 5 out of 5 popcorn. The story is just the right complexity and its very relatable. The acting is captivating leading the audiences to care for ever character. The ending although already known from the beginning of the film still has audiences hoping for a different outcome. The film in its entirety is very satisfying.

“Struck by Lightning” is a must see coming of age film, out on DVD May 21. This film is not rated.

Review By Jesus Figueroa

Pulling on every emotional string “A Late Quartet” takes viewers on a calmly chaotic ride. The story is impactful and is highly entertaining with multiple stories combing to emphasize the main growing story. Peter Mitchell, played by Christopher Walken, who plays cello in the quartet, gets diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease. For a musician the diagnoses signals the end of their career. Walken brings a solemn tone to the distressed character who fought through the pain of losing his wife to continue on being a musician. The health of Peter sets to end the successful 25 year run of the string quartet. The quartet is most famous for playing Beethoven’s String Quartet No. 14, Opus 131, a piece that is played non-stop no matter how life interferes. Robert Gelbart, played by Philip Seymour Hoffman, plays second violin and is married to Juliette Gelbart, Catherine Keener, who plays viola, engage in a rough patch as Robert goes through a midlife crisis. Daniel Lerner, played by Mark Ivanir, who plays first violin, becomes a mentor to the Gelbart’s daughter Alexandra, played by Imogen Poots. Their relationship grows to cause even more turmoil to the already rocky relationship of the Gelbart’s and the quartet.

With so much story the audience sinks into the world created by the story and indulges in the steady pace which reveals each section of the story. The cast is brilliant in playing each role in a magnificent way. Each character has their individual uniqueness which audiences can relate and care for each one individually and all collectively. The troubles peak and come to a satisfying ending that all can appreciate.

I give this film a 5 out of 5 popcorn. It is emotionally powerful and a must see film. The cast puts on a fantastic performance which engulfs audiences into the story. The plot intrigues from beginning to end.

“A Late Quarter” out now on DVD.

“Border Run” follows Sofie, played by Sharon Stone, through the horrors of crossing the United States/Mexican border illegally. The powerful film follows several stories captivating audiences with full on horrific depictions of heartfelt stories. Many immigrants cross into the U.S. illegally through the use of a “Coyote,” a person paid to sneak a group of people into the United States.

Sofie, a strong stubborn reporter, begins her journey in Arizona strongly against immigration. Stone magnificently embodies the strength needed for this character to be both charismatic and spiteful. Searching for her brother Aaron, played by Billy Zane, who she believes is in danger after hearing a frightening phone call, she travels to Mexico and encounters many obstacles. With no help from the Mexican officials, Sofie, looks for help from her brother’s coworkers.

The story becomes intense quickly and continues moving forward at a quick and intriguing pace. The top “coyote” Juanita, played by Giovana Sacarías, holds Aaron captive wanting him to give the location of migrants while rounding up more illegals wanting to cross the border. Sacarías makes the best villain contrasting Stone and creating a wicked character that is very fearsome. Strong and fierce her character projects certainty and confidence. Sofie gets caught in a group of immigrants. Maria, played by Olga Segura, a pregnant woman wanting to have her baby in the U.S. catches Sofie’s eye. Segura displays an innocence and determination that help make her a realistic character.

The ending shows progressing with the main Sofie changing and growing as a character. The climax comes at a good point and it doesn’t drag on. It goes on just far enough without being too over the top.

I give this film 5 out of 5 popcorns. The story is incredibly intense and magnificently put together. The cast is brilliant and make their characters come alive.

“Border Run” out on BluRay/DVD now.

PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 4 – I watched it tonight. Hmmmmmmmm…I can’t believe I’m going to say this.

WHY DO THEY KEEP MAKING THESE?

And I know – for the money. But I wonder if someone in their camp is saying, “You know, I bet we can make these better.” (lol) The first PARANORMAL ACTIVITY was great! Loved watching it in the theater. But everything after that…I feel every time I watch one of these…I get more lost. Am I the only one?! (lol)

Let me tell you about PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 4. Apparently it’s been 5 years since the disappearance of Katie (the possessed sister) and Hunter (Katie’s sister’s son) – - from one of the freaking movies. Fast forward to a suburban family of 4…living the normal life…going through the normal things – - THEN…this freaking weird little boy from across the street starts coming over to their house.  Once that happens…weird crap starts. SERIOUSLY WEIRD CRAP…but does the family move out or run like hell…HELL NAWWW. There’s this butcher knife scene…oh, I would have been gone!!

I did like Alex, she’s the main girl in the movie and Ben…her kind of boyfriend/best friend kind of dude. She’s cute and he’s funny in the movie…and that’s pretty much it.

I tried getting into PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 4…but there was just a lot of frustrating parts for me. Stuff that didn’t make sense – - stuff that didn’t follow through for me or get explained. I would’ve liked more jumpy or scary parts…Oh and the ending. WTF?! I don’t wanna go into details – in case you plan on watching it. (lol) All I can say is – I know PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 5 is around the corner…and I just hope in the new one – things get explained!!

I give PARANORMAL ACITIVTY 4… 2 out of 5 popcorn!

Jesus of iWatchMike.com PA4 review:

@ThisFunktional Reviews: “Paranormal Activity 4″

@Jennyfly of Jennyflyblog.com and I watched another Netflix movie today…John Cusack’s THE RAVEN. We hope you enjoy our review…if we sound a little confused…we were. (lol)

PREMIUM RUSH – I saw it the other night. FINALLY, right? The movie stars  Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Michael Shannon, Dania Ramirez, and Jamie Chung. The movie definitely reminded me of the 1986 flick QUICKSILVER starring the man, Kevin Bacon. Have you seen it? You should if you haven’t.

Now lets talk PREMIUM RUSH. The movie’s about a group of bike messengers who deliver packages in the crazy city of New York. Joseph Gordon-Levitt plays a dude named Wilee, as in Wilee Coyote from the cartoon. The dude rides a fixie – a super lightweight, single-gear bike with no brakes. OH YEAH. CRAZY and INTERESTING (lol). One day he picks up a package from a girl named Nima played by hottie Jamie Chung. As Wilee’s eating a burrito and getting ready to jump back on his bike – an evil dude named Bobby walks up and ‘insists’ on confiscating the package. BUT…Wilee has rules…ONCE THE PACKAGE IS IN THE BAG…IT’S TOO LATE. A scuffle happens…a burrito goes flying and the chase begins!!

PREMIUM RUSH is pretty cool. There’s a couple of mini stories happening in this movie, but I’ll keep those to myself. There’s plenty of high speed action and I thought it was cool on how they used the Google Maps app when traveling through the city…OK, OK – I know it’s not the REAL Google Maps…but it’s cool whatever they used it. I also liked when Wilee traveled through traffic – his eyes and mind turn into a scene from THE TERMINATOR.  Joseph Gordon-Levitt is great as usual. Michael Shannon who plays Bobby the bad guy…PLAYS A GREAT BAD GUY…with some serious issues (lol). The SUPER SEXY Dania Ramirez plays Vanessa – on and off girlfriend of Wiliee. SHE IS HOT and TOUGH. She’s a bike messenger as well and knows how to use her chain. NOW…lets talk about Jamie Chung. Yes, she’s a hottie…BUT her accent in this movie was TERRIBLE! It was bad. I’m not sure WHO thought it was a good idea for her to sound like that but yeah, it’s bad…my girlfriend complained ever time she spoke. If you’ve seen this – - you know what I’m talking about. If you haven’t…you have been warned (lol). Honestly…that’s the ONLY thing I found wrong with this movie. Everything else…I liked. It’s a fun watch.

I give PREMIUM RUSH… 3 out of 5 popcorn!

Here’s what Jesus of iWatchMike.com thought of the movie as well.

@ThisFunktional DVD Review: ‘Premium Rush’

THE BOURNE LEGACY…I finally watched it the other night. YES, YES…I never saw it in the theaters. I just never made the time and yes…I had an opportunity to watch it at a screening – but…yeah…too many knuckleheads there that could’ve ruined it for me (talking, texting, and so on).

Lets talk about the movie – Jeremy Renner plays Aaron Cross – - a super soldier dude…just like Jason Bourne. Everything’s fine in his life…living in the woods, surviving freezing temperatures, and fighting off hungry wolves. Life is good. Meanwhile – - Jason Bourne (from the last film) is running from the law…looking to ‘out’ everyone and everything. To prevent a huge mess… ‘The Agency’ decides to kill off all their agents and whoever’s worked on the TOP SECRET stuff…INCLUDING Aaron Cross.  ‘SOMETHING’ happens and Aaron Cross decides, “OHH HEELLL NAWWWW, IT’S ON!!” and that’s when all the action starts.

Ok. Did I like the movie? YES I did.

Now, when this movie came out in theaters – people ended up telling me that it starts off slow and doesn’t get good until the middle. I would have to disagree. The beginning definitely prepares you for what’s to come. I thought Jeremy Renner got the job done. THE BOURNE LEGACY has some kick ass fight scenes, cool chases, with a pretty dope cast. Rachel Weisz is hot as always, Edward Norton is a pain in the ass and it was good to see Stacy Keach. If you haven’t watched the last Bourne film, ya might want to though since in THE BOURNE LEGACY…the last film is actually happening DURING this film. See, Jason Bourne is running around the city. (lol) I know it sounds confusing…but it’s not. I just hope soon…we get Matt Damon AND Jeremy Renner TOGETHER…in one movie!! GANGSTA!!

I give THE BOURNE LEGACY… 3 ½ out of 5 popcorn!

 Review By Jesus Figueroa

Norman is anything but the typical kid, “Paranorman” follows the story of a special kid who can talk to spirits. Norman, voiced by Kodi Smit-McFee, enjoys horror flicks although his ability to communicate with the dead makes reality much more entertaining. On a daily basis Norman is able to see and talk with many spirits that are wandering his community.

This story has some originality to it as it incorporates some very comical aspects to a bizarre storyline of witchcraft and the undead. The color choices for the world are extremely dark and fit well to a spooky story such as this one. The main characters are quite likable with a pesky teenage sister Courtney, voiced by Anna Kendrick, who has many hilarious parts through out the film. The quirky sidekick Neil, voiced by Tucker Albrizzi, who’s antics and sometimes unseen wisdom keeps the story progressing. Then Mitch, voiced by Casey Affleck, the supposed muscle of the group who along with Courtney gave way to a big surprise by the end of the animated film. Through it all fighting the undead and discovering the true enemy behind everything Aggie, voiced by Jodelle Ferland. Aggie is a witch that after a brief prosecution had the unthinkable happen. She shares many similarities with Norman and their stories seem to run parallel at times.

The ending is not quite what is expected but is suitable for the nature of this film.

I give this animated feature 3 out of 5 popcorn. The colors are a bit too awkward and the ending is somewhat typical. Still it’s a very enjoyable movie and is a film for the whole family. There’s a witch, there’s zombies, and ghost. A curse and a good storyline that progresses trough fairly well. This animated film has been nominated for an Oscar for Best Animated Film. It has some strong competition to get through. Enjoy a taste of the bizarre in the strange journey of “Paranorman.” Out on BluRay and DVD now.